Letter to Sana on her Sweet 16

Dearest Sana – a wonderful daughter and more importantly a dearest friend,

Wish you happy sweet sixteen!!!

This is the second letter I am writing to you after a gap of 7 years, the first one happened to be at your 8-9 years of age when in ancient Hindu times, kids of that age used to start their higher education with Gurus after Maujibandhan. Now this is the second one…….

I still remember the day you were born, and doctor brought you to me and held you near my cheek, I still remember the warmth of the soft touch in that super cold operation theater……Since that day I always felt like I got a close friend and you proved that for me time and again.

For you, things were never simple, In these last 10 years -

• At the age of five you had to shift from Thane to Chicago, ...I wrote about it in my first letter to you that how I feel guilty of getting a well rooted plant from India and getting that replanted in the new soil. But you got adjusted to that and had no complaint.

• During elementary school period, you had faced some or the other discrimination, bullying but you dealt with it on your own and chose not to share that with us during that time and recently you spoke about those incidents. Same time you got selected for Gifted Learning program through Northwestern University and you completed many science projects through that

• At that very time, we all got connected to Gajanan Maharaj group and you know how much we cherished to get reconnected with Maharaj.

• During the middle school time we shifted to Naperville, and you had to adjust with new school, new teachers, new community, new friends, and you pleasantly surprised us by achieving Scullen Star award in the first quarter of sixth grade.

• In the 7th grade, COVID happened, and you were cut off from in person school and you were cut off from friends, but you made ‘books’, your friends and started reading ferociously and started writing your own stories by shaping up characters, coming up with themes, territory maps and thoroughly enjoyed that process. You took an opportunity to conduct summer camp sessions on ‘book club’ and held 4 weeks sessions with awesome choices of books which were truly human and inclusive. I heard very encouraging feedback about your sessions and many people messaged me about your thoughtfulness of your choice of selection of books.

• In the eighth grade you had to undergo a left knee surgery and for that the tendon was taken from right leg, though doctor explained the process in two simple sentences, but we know what it was to deal with. After the surgery, within a day or two you had to go through another ordeal of ER due to chest congestion as your medicine was delayed and you had to pay a heavy price of getting admitted to ER. Tai, Mai were very tensed and upset, as they could see you, only through video calls and for 2-3 days you had to use crutches. But you had undergone the entire deal of diagnosis to actual surgery process with a very cool attitude and you pacified every one of us, saying that my procedure is small, and I will be Ok.

• During the surgery time-period, you had shared with me and baba the adolescent emotional pressures you had to go through. But in that situation too, we were so happy that you were so transparent with us, and you shared with us your emotions and we felt very proud of you.

• Due to knee operation you had to stop most of the physical activities like swimming, tae kwon do and dance and now you had to get started with high school for ninth grade. High school is altogether a different ball game which I am still to understand, but for you, there was no choice but to get well-acquainted with the high school.

• During ninth grade you missed the opportunity of marching band but then I know the exact reason why you chose Marching Band for 10th grade, despite going through the knee operation, you had to prove to yourself that your knee is now at the normal state. I know how much it takes mentally and physically to go through the rigorous schedule…. It is not easy to take such decision and making it a success.

• Last year you told us after choosing to apply for the internship program and mentioned to us that you filled up the application and most probably you will get selected for the 4 weeks of the program and you did it. You successfully completed the internship by going to lawyers’ office and attending some court visits. That revealed to you that you may not want to become a ‘criminal lawyer.’ According to us that elimination is one step forward towards your goal.

• You proved yourself by attending all the solo and ensemble percussion sessions where you get judged by professional musicians and received constructive feedback. You performed with renowned musicians through your school and the cherry on top was your trip to Florida with school group and the Band performances at Universal and Disney where you and your group had to perform on-the-spot music with just 90 seconds preparation.

• You are taking part in Speech clubs and Youth and Government classes, and we wish you continue to thrive through these extra-curricular activities as they will help you become well-rounded.

By the time you must have come to know why Aai is doing a recap of these 10 years ….. I wanted to explain to you that where there was a problem or difficult situation, you had always found a solution to it. ……I wanted you to also reflect upon and understand that “Adversities always teach you biggest lessons of life”…….its just a matter of accepting the challenge, having that trust, taking a leap of faith and you will come out it with flying colors if you have right mindset.

I feel some people are chosen ones and you are amongst one of them, who are handpicked by the God or that superpower, who has decided to bless you with those lessons early in life.

(So, like you and me are both Bollywood fans…….I will say ”darke aage jeet hai” …… I will connect with you later to understand your witty comment on these filmy lines.)

Though we play a role of teenager frowny (?) parent, we enjoy our time together while dropping you off or picking you up or on the dining table, we always discussed so many topics….from our daily routine to school, to India, international conflicts, Israel-Palestine wars and stance taken up by American giants with that…and so on and we came to know that your thinking has become so profound due to your experiences, reading, knowledge of history, understanding of the people …and your views are not of hatred, rage or extremities but rather of inclusivity and diverse and more importantly they are ‘Humane’.

We also understood how your thinking is beyond stereotypes - Be it about thinking, behavior, looks, the way we carry ourselves or beyond and we started admiring you more.

One request that we have for you is to come back to that reading and writing ……per me writing is a self-discovery process and I want you to continue with that.

I know these adversities, discrimination, feeling being left out are not going to end or we cannot control that and those will be integral part of life but we want you to think that in this country, even the first lady Michelle Obama had to go through all such things in spite of her status …..and we are just the common people. Michellle Obama’s response to this was ‘When they go low, you go high’ which resonated with our thinking - “answer to Negativity cannot be a negative reaction but it has to be positive response.”

(People may be behind their Masks but understand them beyond those masks

Respect and be with Time

Use your Words carefully

Have a Sounding board

Always be happy with happiness of others, don’t compare that time yourself with others. If you have done your part, you will get your happiness when it is time

Always be best version of yourself tomorrow than what you are today)

You remember when we moved here, we used to talk about having a ‘Password’ should there be a dire situation arise. We devised the mechanism of not only having a password but a particular tune for that ‘password.’ We want you recollect that and know that - me, baba and Swara will always be there for you…..no matter passwords will keep on changing with time but our tune for those passwords will remain same and we will always be there for you…..because we are a ….”SOLID TEAM”

Love you loads,
Aai and Baba

Feb 23rd, 2024

©Kavita Saraf